Before you fall too head over heals for your new love, you may want to first find out if they're going to be able to give you the kind of relationship you need.
If you feel they are a bit emotionally distant or perhaps even lying to you, take a look at the following signs to see if you may be dating a player.
You Feel Something Is Missing From Your Relationship
It seems that the two of you are happy together. You have a great time and he or she really makes you smile. But there’s just “something” about the situation that doesn’t meet your emotional needs. When you want to talk about your day they don’t care to hear it. When you bring up a genuine concern about your relationship they make a joke of it or simply brush it off. You don't suspect them of cheating, but still, there's something that's just not quite right.
They Have a Hard Time Making Plans
Your new partner may be great with last minute requests to see you, but when you try and pin them down for a future date, they balk. Players hate making plans because they feel something better may come along. They may hesitate to give you an answer until they get closer to the date and can safely say they have nothing better going on. Or, they simply refuse to commit and leave you hanging until the last possible minute. They may show up and save the day, or remain MIA and disappoint you.
Lots of People Seem to Know Them Well
Players leave a trail of people behind them. Sometimes these folks can’t get the hint and try and hook up with your partner again, or sometimes they’ve been burned so bad they immediately become angry upon seeing your partner. Your partner may fail to introduce these folks, but even if he or she does they may ignore you or treat you poorly. If your new love seems to know a lot of "friends," and they’re all of the opposite sex, take note.
You Don’t Share Major Life Moments
You suggest your partner accompany you to meet your cousins at the next family get-together, and they turn up their nose. You ask them to accompany you to a friend’s wedding, and they refuse or they go and behave bored or uninterested the entire night. It’s not only your special moments they don’t care to share, they also fail to let you in on their major life events. For example, they may fail to tell you they’ll be gone for a week on business or prefer to go to their parent’s anniversary party alone.
They Don’t Want to Talk About Your Relationship
Communication is key when you’re a couple. Plain and simple, you need to talk about things to work them out. When you’ve met the right one, you both want to work on the relationship. It doesn’t have to be as dramatic as having a knock down, drag out discussion, but you do have to talk on some level. Issues that remain silent grow over time, and if your significant other simply refuses to address the problems you two seem to have, it may be because they simply aren’t interested.
Simple, Kind Gestures All Seem to Come From You
Kindness goes a long way in a relationship. It’s the easy, thoughtful gestures that mean the most. Doing sweet little favors or buying small presents that mean a lot to your partner shows that you care about them and are paying attention. If you’re the only one that seems to be making dinner, giving small gifts, or remembering special moments you two have shared, it may be a sign that your partner is not as interested in you as you are in them.
You Have No Space in Their World
You have to carry a bag of your essentials around town because your partner has no extra room in their drawer for you. Or perhaps you want a key to your mate’s place to make it easier for you both to hook up, yet your partner balks at this idea. If your man or woman can’t make literal space in their life for you, it may mean they don’t have the emotional space for you either. Emotionally unavailable also means unable to commit. And why waste your time with that when there are so many great people in the world who would love to meet you.
The copyright of the article Are You Dating a Player? in Dating Advice is owned by Cherie Burbach. Permission to republish Are You Dating a Player? in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
i am...... ugh is that bad????? it probably is... :-/
Aug 2, 2009 6:36 AM
Guest :
I have to mention to all who read the above article, players are also very
charming and appear to know everything you want/need before you voice them.
I was 'snagged' by a player and was kept around for 2 1/2 years until that
'gut' feeling I kept having forced me to do research on the computer. Lo
and behold, the dude was on multiple dating sites and very active when we
were not together. It has taken a full year to get over the hurt and I am
now just beginning to realize I was played. Ladies do NOT fall for those
'prince' like guys. If you meet one turn the other way and run.
Aug 24, 2009 7:41 AM
Guest :
Prince-like guys. I might fit that description. I have to say though that
not all of us are players. In fact, I'd say most of us aren't. It's poor
judgement that will lead you to them and stray you away from what is
actually good. Maybe I'm wrong and 'good people' are hard to come by.
When it comes to love, it's never as easy as we would like it to be.
Sep 14, 2009 5:40 AM
Guest :
This is all too familiar: Mr British (not real name) finds me on a dating
site after a month of my being on the site. We hit it off like mad, he's
awesome charming, sweet, thoughtful, the whole package..he travels to visit
me, then his life falls apart upon his return home... so he really can't
have a relationship now, but we will work toward one for when he is free
again. I had never been on a dating site before, so I buy this hook line
and sinker! So he keeps me enthralled with his charm and wit, and because I
am a healer, his neediness because he and his parents are ill (they live
with him). But every time I ask about the status of our relationship, it
ends up in a fight that gets rather abusive... but by then, I am hooked.
So, I go visit him, and have a great time. Then upon my return I start to
wonder why he is not moving closer, and find out he's on multiple dating
sites and is on them everyday, all day long .. I mention it to him, and he
blows up and calls me a stalker!! After 2 1/2 years of this, I start to
realize that something is very wrong.. so I start looking around and found
all of this information about guys that do this, and really hurt people!!
I am, right now, not only nursing a broken heart, and the shame of falling
for this guy, but also the loss of a lot of money and my precious time.
Isn't there some way to identify these guys on a blog or website or
something, so that women have a place to go to be warned about the really
bad ones?
Sep 25, 2009 2:29 PM
Guest :
I know a player so i am able to say that you forgot a sign, if you talk to
a player about cheating (offensive as well as passive) they use to get more
angry than regularly people, this is usually because of they know that they
are in danger to being busted. To make this worse they often want you to
say that you are sorry, even when you has a reason to be mad on them.
However, when you want or even need an appolige it is rare that they mean
them or sometimes they actually refuse to give you one and just want you to
shut off.
At the end, there is properly just as much female as
male players in the world
Oct 25, 2009 8:47 AM
Guest :
Yes they are very charming and will lure you into their pathologic lying
ways! I was charmed for over 4 years all the while the cell/I-phone was off
limits and on vibrate, lots of bathroom time, and yes lots of female
"friends"... and they seem to think they are doing nothing wrong,
they are not hurting anybody and I got that famous statement, "I never
meant to hurt you" AFTER promising my daughter he would never hurt me
and that he "liked me a lot" from the very beginning. "I
love you" seems to pop out very soon after meeting, also and ohhh how
we all love that sweet talk! AND IF another female offers up an email from
out of the blue (on a dating site, MySpace, whevere) ~ PLEASE take that
warning! Playas are soo convincing and never wrong in their eyes. This
playa in particular was so far advanced that he could keep a secret
"relationship" going for a year at a time I found out before the
female just gave up on not ever being able to see him (usually in another
state) and when the female realized there were others, then they split and
he didn't feel like the bad guy cuz she did the breaking up. The love to
start arguments too when they want to "lose" you in the mix!
Also, makes them feel not responsible for breaking a heart. Mine worked for
the gov't and programmed on keeping "secrets" ~ so beware ~ they
seem to be the most advanced.
Oct 29, 2009 9:30 PM
Guest :
Wow, class reunions are the biggest cesspools? Mine was so charming and a
former date from high school that I was sure it was meant to be! I feel
like I should warn potential victims!
Nov 5, 2009 12:17 PM
Guest :
I used to date a player...this article is bang on! Wish I had read it back
then...it would have saved me wasting a year of my life with this loser!
All I can say is if ur a decent person looking for a relationship then lose
the player! If ur just looking for some fun times then you mus learn the
game and play them right back! Play on playa!
