Dating Doesn't Have to Be Exclusive
Date Casually until You’re Ready for a Relationship
Oct 22, 2008
Whether or not you ultimately want a serious relationship, enjoy the moment while dating more than one person. Singles do not have to be looking for a relationship. It’s okay to date for the sake of dating. There’s a particular pleasure that comes from spending time with the other gender: the different point of view, the delight of feeling attractive as well as attracted, the flirting.
Do you want to date casually yet keep slipping into relationships that don’t work out? Are the relationships simply more involved than you’d like them to be? How can you gain control of your social life? To enjoy casual dating at its best, follow these ground rules.
Keep Intimacy out of Casual Dating
- Casual and intimacy have opposite meanings. Wikipedia defines intimacy as “both the ability and the choice to be close, loving, and vulnerable.” Answers.com defines casual as “not close or intimate.”
- If you truly want to keep things casual, then intimacy is off limits. Yes, that includes physical intimacy.
- As soon as you become intimate with someone, you risk getting emotionally involved. So if you don’t want to get emotionally involved, keep things light-hearted and avoid intimacy.
Resist Getting Too Personal
- Be careful not to expose too much about yourself. This fosters emotional intimacy (see above).
- Exposing extremely personal information allows you to be vulnerable. . It’s one thing to mention the loss of a parent; it’s another to share details. This type of disclosure invites a level of bonding inconsistent with casual dating.
- Sharing your personal stories invites others to share theirs, and they may expect responses from you that you’re not willing to give.
Use Honesty and Tact
- Be up front with your dates about your dating choices and your intentions. You may need to occasionally clarify your position.
- Answer questions honestly, but use discretion. You don’t need to flaunt details about your other dates. Tonight’s date doesn’t need to know that over dinner last night you noticed Billy has the bluest eyes.
- Let them know that it’s okay if they date others as well.
Date, Date, Date!
- The more the merrier applies here. Numbers provide safety to keep you from slipping into a comfortable relationship, and in casual dating, relationship is a dirty word.
- If you’re dating four people instead of two, you will be less likely to get attached to anyone in particular.
- Don’t date anyone too often.
- Avoid long, frequent phone conversations, which tend to lead to . . . you guessed it, relationships!
Don’t think of these rules as restrictive. Casual dating means freedom from commitment, and these rules will ensure your freedom. Keep a copy of them right next to your little black book and your social calendar. It won’t take long before the book and calendar are overflowing with freedom, fun, and opportunity!
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