New Associations with Music/Films after Breakups
How to Still Appreciate Them Without Painful Memories
Oct 27, 2008 Elisabeth Sharber
Relationships can introduce you to a lot of movies and music that you’d never heard of before. A lot of times, the gain is really great because your significant other shows you the top choices of his/her style. However, all of these artistic experiences you have are associated with your partner, meaning that if the relationship ever ends, it can be hard to appreciate them anymore. But it’s possible to form new associations to your favorite CDs and movies apart from your ex.
You deserve to enjoy art. That’s the first thought you have to be aware of if you’re going to form new associations. Art is an expression given from the creator to the audience, which every person who connects with it has the right to enjoy. Don’t let your ex take away from you something so beautiful and spiritually intimate. Having a reason and resolve to take back art is the first step toward making new associations with the music and films you love.
Change the Audience
Face the subjects you’ve been avoiding head-on, and make a plan to watch them/listen to them with your best friend, family member, mentor, or otherwise trusted/respected person. Experiencing the art in the context of the other person will bring out different humors and sensitivities layered within the subject. For example, a film watched with a romantic partner might bring out the lusts and longings in the characters, whereas when watched with a friend, might bring out delightful ironies and personal struggles. Or a song lyric can change from igniting desperation and loneliness to igniting intellectual frustration/seeking. Making these new associations is also a small step into remembering the joy from the complex, equally mysterious world outside romance and love.
Talk About the Art
Talk about the movie or music with other people. Get their opinion on it, and see where it ties into their life. Having discourse about the art will bring it down to a more human level and will give you power over it instead of feeling like it controls you. It will also seem less like a secret that you share between you and your ex, and more like an area of exposed ground, free for everyone to share.
These strategies will not work for every song or film. Some are strictly romantic or contain specific scenes that cannot possibly be otherwise associated. But for really well-done music and films that can have further applications besides strictly romance – where the association is arbitrary – try changing the audience you watch/listen to it with and talking to people about it. Artistic experience is not something that should be inhibited because of pain; it should be, in fact, more available to you in such times.
a discussion on Rocky Horror Picture Show
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