Friendships are great. Emotional affairs are trouble. Here are some guidelines to determine if you're having an inappropriate relationship.

Feelings of attraction:

Friendship:

• Feelings for your friend are completely platonic. That means you are not attracted to your friend and couldn't imagine having sex with them.

Emotional affair:

• You begin to have feelings of attraction for your friend. You wonder what it would be like to kiss or touch your friend.

Sharing inappropriate details of your relationship:

Friendship:

• Your friend is a source of support, but you make it a point not to discuss the intricacies of your relationship.

Emotional affair:

• When you begin to share intimate or hurtful details of your relationship with one particular friend of the opposite sex, you are in the beginning stages of an emotional affair. Every relationship has ups and downs, but by relaying personal information on your significant other you are also betraying his or her trust.

Longing for your friend instead of your partner:

Friendship:

• You look forward to seeing your friend at work or out socially, but ultimately look forward to going home to your partner.

Emotional affair:

• You spend more energy longing for your friend than you do your partner. When you're with your partner, you look forward to when you can get back to spending time with your friend.

Secrecy:

Friendship:

• Your relationship with your friend is out in the open. Your partner knows when you meet for dinner and have lunch, and you are honest when asked how you two spent your time.

Emotional affair:

• You tend to hide information on your friendship from your partner. You email or call each other in secret, and when asked how you two spent your time you have a tendency to lie.

Your friendship upsets your partner:

Friendship:

• Your partner is supportive of spending time with your friend.

Emotional affair:

• Something about your friendship bothers your partner, and when he or she asks you about it you get uncomfortable or defensive.

Your friend takes up your thoughts:

Friendship:

• You daydream and fantasize about your new relationship, not your friend.

Emotional affair:

• You dream and fantasize about your friend, not your new relationship.

You believe you'll always be closer to your friend than your partner:

Friendship:

• Your friend knows you only too well, but you look forward to the day when your significant other will come to know your heart and soul even better.

Emotional affair:

• You believe that no matter how great the new person in your life is, he or she will never be able to know you quite like your friend does.

You have feelings of jealousy when your friend finds love:

Friendship:

• When your friend goes on a date, you are happy for them and hope they find their match.

Emotional affair:

• You are jealous when your friend goes on a date. You find yourself hoping your friend will not find love and instead spend time with you.

The dangers of emotional affairs when you're dating:

Emotional affairs can be especially harmful to new relationships. When you've first started dating, things are tentative and unsure, and can be easily derailed with misunderstandings. Asking a potential partner to accept an inappropriate friendship is a sure-fire way to end your new relationship before it even starts.

If you are having an emotional affair with the opposite sex, ask yourself why you want to continue. Are you afraid of a real relationship, and therefore are hesitant to end this emotional affair? Having a friend to fantasize about can be a crutch to hold you back from developing a healthy relationship.

Related:

The Danger of Emotional Affairs: Betrayal of Trust