Can't seem to find the right guy or girl for you? Maybe it's because you're still stuck on your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.
When you’re hung up on a previous relationship, you automatically sabotage any chance for new love. Here are some signs you might be holding on to feelings for a past flame, and how to move on from them.
You Regret Breaking Up
If you were the one that ended your relationship, you might be looking back with fonder memories than you did before the breakup. However, this doesn’t mean you and your ex are meant to be together, nor does it mean you made a mistake in calling in quits.
Part of the acceptance process is realizing your relationship had good times as well as bad. The important thing is keep it in perspective. Don’t block out all the bad times in favor of the good ones. Aim for a balanced view of your previous relationship.
You Stayed Friends and It’s Harder Than Ever
Here’s a secret: You can’t force a new friendship. Not with someone you just met on the street and certainly not with your ex. While it might seem like a great idea to remain friends after a break up, in reality it will prevent you from moving forward. There’s nothing wrong with simply wishing the person the best and choosing not to see him or her until you’re certain you are over your relationship.
You Compare New People to Your Ex
If you really want to move forward with your life you have to use a fresh outlook on the people you meet. When we first meet people, everything they do can seem strange and odd. Once we get to know them, however, all those tiny things can seem rather sweet.
So instead of looking for similarities between that new person and your ex, make a promise that you’ll get to know him or her. That way, even if they aren’t the right one, you will at least be evaluating him or her on their own qualities and not those of your ex.
Your Ex Found Someone Before You Did
If the last time you saw your ex he or she was begging you not to end your relationship, it can seem a shocking thing to see them with someone new. More than that, it’s human nature to want something you suddenly realize you can no longer have. But as hard as it may seem, be happy for your ex.
Then, get out and date! Start out casually and build your self-esteem again slowly. Think of your ex-relationship as one more lesson that will lead you to the right situation for you.
You Hate Dating
When you begin to date again, it can be a long time before you find that feeling of comfort you once felt with your ex. But don’t be fooled into thinking this means your ex was the one for you. Change means something new and different so naturally you are going to feel a bit apprehensive. But like anything worthwhile, getting back out in the dating world again will bring you that much closer to the right one for you.
The copyright of the article Getting Over Your Ex in Dating Advice is owned by Cherie Burbach. Permission to republish Getting Over Your Ex in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
Ahh...good advice. It's nice to know other people feel my pain. I don't
know if that's commiseration or misery loving company, but thanks either
way.
Jan 10, 2009 10:17 PM
Guest :
Good advice, especially on the "friends after dating" part. I
can say we remained friends after, and it has been harder than ever. Time
apart and dating other people really can help. Thanks for the advice!
Jan 30, 2009 6:34 PM
Guest :
it's so hard to get over somebody you love. i recently, 2 months ago, have
been single from a 5 year relationship and he found somebody new right
away. i guess everything happens for a reason and my somebody will find
me.
May 7, 2009 3:44 AM
Guest :
Unfortunetley for some of us we made the worst decision of our lives and
left the one person that mattered most. And even though we tried our
hardest to get em' back we failed, and its miserable every day because you
know that you just left behind the one person you were meant to be with.
And can only wish that you had the power to turn back time....
May 14, 2009 9:40 AM
Guest :
that's correct... i agree with that.."And can only wish that you had
the power to turn back time..." to straighten things out..
May 29, 2009 12:19 PM
Guest :
really good advice. My ex broke up with me a few months ago and already
started dating someone new. We share a child together so i cant just get
him out of my life completely. Every time i see him it hurts? is there
anything i can do?
Jun 4, 2009 5:08 AM
Guest :
your advice is great!! it's almost 8 months now that i broke-up with my ex
but ti now, i find it hard to move on. Though it is not easy to be friends
again after all the sorrows that we had encountered in our past
relationship, we still do communicating online and trying to be at ease.
Connecting with each other cause me to hardly forget him and expecting to
be with each other again after some years. It's really hard to move
on..help me.
Jun 6, 2009 8:18 PM
Guest :
It's been 10 months since my break-up and it's still hard for me, he wanted
to end it and I didn't. He also wanted to stay friends and I had to force
myself not remain his friend, and to simply keep him out of my life. I
second-guess myself in weak moments from time to time, even now, and I wish
things had turned out differently between us.
Jun 9, 2009 7:13 PM
Guest :
This is a very logical article. I Thought of it to have good direction. I
have been looking at others commentting and realise that, this happens all
the time. So i know that we will eventually move on and learn from our
mistakes. I am also going through hardship but i know it will be ok. Time
is the only cure. =)
Aug 19, 2009 8:21 AM
Guest :
What about those of us who were married with children? After divorce we
have to still communicate. Letting go is harder when you can't just bid
them farewell.
Aug 19, 2009 11:01 AM
Guest :
thank you
Aug 28, 2009 9:49 PM
Guest :
hi! can i have some advice! there's this guy, that i really really like!
but he likes my sister! It's just kinda awkward that before we used to text
a lot and now, he is texting my sister and not texting me! =( I'm having
difficulties of hiding to people that I am okay with it! i want to move on!
I keep telling myself he is not worth it, he is stupid for doing that,
etc.! but still, I'm having difficulties!
Sep 21, 2009 8:16 AM
Guest :
I disagree totally with this. Mainly because of the use of "meant
to be" as part of helpful advice. Meant to be by whom? People
have to put effort into a relationship. They don't "just happen
naturally." That's pie in the sky with rose colored glasses. Look,
if one or neither tried (that is addressed issues, fears, concerns) during
the relationship to make it better and do nothing to improve themselves
after the relationship on an emotional and interpersonal responsibility
level they are bound to repeat the same bad habits with the next person,
and the next and the next until they start blaming everyone else. Is
there "The One" out there? No. We make ourselves "The
One" for others by paying attention internally and externally and
understanding that our actions count, both good and bad. If we refuse to
take responsibility for those actions we lose the trust of the other
person. If we're "stuck", haven't "moved on"
there's a reason. Figure out the reason and stop hiding from yourself,
your actions or the over all situation. Can that mean seeing Clergy or
Therapist? Yes. But they can only show you what your options are. If
none of the options they present ring true and honest with you then you do
still have to make a choice. Run away into denial and a repeat of the
prior relationship or deal with your issues and those of the ex. Take into
account that sometimes, on either or both sides there are social, mental
and informational handicaps involved in the first place. Sit down and
figure it out.
Oct 8, 2009 9:23 AM
Guest :
The comment left on Sep 21, 2009 8:16 - that is the best advice yet on this
page. I hope everyone can read it and understand it for what it is, as well
as take heed of it. Awareness of self and your surroundings / healthy
level of confidence really can make all the difference.
Nov 4, 2009 5:07 AM
Guest :
Thanks for the advice I learned from it..
Nov 6, 2009 10:33 AM
Guest :
yeah cheers mate which there was more, my head is all ova the place :( !
