Modern Dating Made Easy
Strengthen Your Relationship Analysis Toolbox With A Red Flag System
May 14, 2008 Cheri Renee Watkins
A "Red Flag System" alerts the individual, whenever it is time to exercise the "Stop, Drop, and Move On" dating strategy. It can even be used to assess the level of energetic "toxicity" of different types of relationships, both personal and professional.
Pay Less People Taxes
In Getting What You Want: The Seven Principals of Rational Living (Penguin USA, 2000) Robert J. Ringer devotes an entire chapter to describing the types of people who will gladly drain you of time, money, joy, and accomplishment.
Ringer compares these individuals to taxes. He claims that, during the course of a lifetime, most of us pay out tremendous personal, finite resources, such as time and focus, for little or nothing in return.
To continue the financial analogy, the purpose of developing a personal Red Flag System is to pay as few “people taxes” as possible.
Values As Benchmarks
Needless to say, the increased liberalism and technological advancement of Western society has opened the doors of acceptance to many new types of relationships, such as internet dating, online sexual experiences, and “open” partnerships, which do not require monogamy.
It stands to reason that an increasing number of people from different backgrounds will continue to come into contact; therefore perceptions of acceptable behavior will continue to differ, often dramatically.
That’s why a Red Flag System needs to be personal.
It is important to understand your own boundaries, in order to avoid suppressing your most closely held values to the will of another, who could believe in just about anything.
Universal Red Flags
Fortunately, there are a few universal red flags, which can help you get started designing your own system. The following violations should be considered flashing neon warning signs.
- Verbal or physical abuse toward you, other people, or animals
- Lying (Unwillingness to reveal surprises excluded!)
- Infidelity
- Theft of property or money
- Other criminal or dangerous behavior
- Smooth talking and a trail of broken hearts or "crazy" exes
Making mental or written records of relationship red flags as they arise, can help you measure the quality of your interpersonal relationships, and analyze their effect on your well-being and finite resources. Once you gain experience spotting relationship red flags, "repeat offenders" will begin to reveal themselves quickly and accurately, saving you time, energy, and disappointment.
While developing a Red Flag System may sound harsh, even arrogant, it is important to remember the difference between being judgmental and using good judgment. Put another way, a Red Flag System will help you evade that most infamous of tax collectors, the energy vampire.
Red Flags Serve As Symbolic Reminder To Change
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