Post Break-up Dating Rules
The Separation Papers are Signed & It's Time to Date – But How?
It's a sad fact that approximately 50% of first marriages end in divorce, (National Centre for Health Statistics) but what few people realize is that the figures are significantly higher for second and third marriages.
This should be enough to warn newly separated men and women to start dating again with caution, but all too often this is not the case and the newly separated have no idea how to date without causing hurt to themselves, their children, their family and their friends. If only they would pause for a moment and ask, "What are the rules of dating after I am separated?"
Why Do There Have to be Post Separation Dating Rules?
Post break-up dating rules are necessary if the newly separated person wants to maintain friendships, not impose hurt on children and look after him or herself in what is one of the most stressful periods of his or her life. By following these five simple rules, the separation will be easier and dating more successful for all involved.
Rule # 1: Don't Date for at Least Six Months After Separating
This may seem obvious, but a surprising number of newly separated men and women are in too much of a hurry to rush into a new relationship within weeks of separating from their former partner. Marriage counsellors advise strongly against leaping into the dating pool before taking the time to heal. Entering a new relationship before understanding and accepting why the old one failed is a recipe for disaster.
Rule # 2: Don't Date Your Ex's Siblings, Friends or Mutual Friends
Tempting as it may be for a newly separated person to date within his ex's circle of friends and acquaintances, or even family, he shouldn't. This will create both a hurtful and a complicated situation for everybody involved. What at first might seem like a simple solution to finding a companion could turn into a disaster for all involved.
Rule # 3: Don't Take New Dates to Old Haunts
There is nothing worse or more uncomfortable and hurtful than running into an ex when a person is out on a date with a prospective new partner. As comfortable as she might feel in familiar bars, theatres and restaurants where the staff know her by name, she should avoid these places at least for the first six months of the new dating life.
Rule # 4: When Should I Start Dating?
Most separations and ultimately divorces are not entirely mutual. There is usually one partner who would have preferred to not end the relationship, but regardless of whose idea it was to leave, it is advisable to take a little time to sort out how you are feeling. Don't date for at least six months.
Rule # 5: Children and Break-ups
Even if a separated person thinks he's found the perfect future partner, he should take it slow. He should maintain separate residences for at least a year and if there are children involved, he should extend that time until he is absolutely sure that this is the right person for him and his kids. Don't introduce casual dates to children or agree to be introduced to a date's kids until you are certain this somebody will become a part of your life. Children adjusting to a divorce or separation can be upset or traumatized if they are exposed to different and new partners on a weekly or monthly basis. You are the adult – put your children's emotions and feelings first.
Use Common Sense
Men and women re-entering the dating pool after a long-term relationship can seek advice from a professional or talk to close friends, but most importantly, they should use common sense and trust their instinct when it comes to dating.
Not sure if you are ready to date yet? Take this quiz:Are You Ready to Date Again?
Find Balance After a Break-up
|
More in Partners & Parents
Latest Articles