Red Flags That a Man is a Pick-Up Artist: How to Tell if He Just Wants a Woman for Sex

Many techniques to seducing a woman are discussed in Neil Strauss's book The Game [2005 HarberCollins]. These tactics turn seduction into an art (hence the phrase "pick-up artist"), and many of them are in the form of routines, strategies, and memorized lines.

Peacock Theory

Leaders of pick-up artist seminars form their theories a number of ways. Some study hypnosis or sexual psychology, and some just start from scratch, observing what does and does not seduce a woman. Two theories developed by the pick up artist known as "Mystery" are called Peacock Theory and Cat-String Theory.

Peacock Theory (Strauss, 22, 2005), taken from the brightly colored animal, posits that women are attracted to chic and brightly ornamented men. Thus, rings, necklaces, silk shirts, and other accessories will attract them. The theory branches off into other arenas, like personality. Pick-up artists, especially of Mystery's following, smile when entering a room and make it a point to become the center of attention in the group where the desired woman is present.

Cat-String Theory

Cat-String Theory (33) compares a man and woman to a string and cat. Strauss quotes Mystery, saying "when the string is dangling above its head, just out of reach, the cat goes crazy trying to get it. It leaps in the air, dances around, and chases it all over the room. But as soon as you let go of the string and it drops right between the cat's paws, it just looks at the string for a second and then walks away. It's bored. It doesn't want it anymore."

The philosophy has spawned tactics such as the "neg," which is a cross between an insult and a compliment (20). The compliment part shows interest, but the insult part shows that the woman will have to work to gain the approval of the man. An example might be "you're hair would really look better up/down," or "that dress really doesn't do justice to your figure."

Not Compromising

Some pick-up artists will not be satisfied not getting what they want. A "freeze-out," for example, is when the man ruins an atmosphere that has become intimate because the woman will not go as far as he wants (216-218). This could include turning lights on or opening a laptop and checking email. The idea is to make her feel that she can't have an intimate time under her own conditions, and must submit to the man's desires if she wants to have any intimate connection.

Pick-up artists function through manipulation and maintaining the emotional power in an interaction. If a woman does not want to be the victim of a pick-up, all she needs to do is recognize seduction tactics and not compromise her power (or simply ignore the seducer).

The copyright of the article Red Flags That a Man is a Pick-Up Artist in Dating Advice is owned by Elisabeth Sharber. Permission to republish Red Flags That a Man is a Pick-Up Artist in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

Jun 30, 2009 6:06 AM

Guest :

This is poorly written, poorly researched, and essentially useless. (And I'm a woman!) Instead of a pandering series of vague if-then scenarios, the article should focus more on specific physical and verbal cues associated with picking up a woman, and discuss the 'psychology of sexy.' The way a man trying to pick up a woman behaves compared to a player trying to pick up his 3rd woman of the week is a major difference that you have failed to account for; and as an aside, sometimes if a guy ignores you socially, he really isn't intersted. Sure, a nice guy will pay attention to all of the people in a group. And yes, while a player might engage the 'lesser' females of a group to incite a jealous rage in the one he's really after, more often than not a normal, everyday Joe (who's almost certainly interested in getting into a woman's pants, but not quite on the Cassanova playing field yet) will just hit on the woman he intends to pursue.

Poorly done. Revisions should be made.

Jul 2, 2009 8:14 PM

Elisabeth Sharber :

I would like to thank you very much for your criticisms. I have changed the format and overall tone/direction, and changed the ambiguities so hopefully it should be more useful. You've been a great help.