Single and Singled Out at Work?
Dealing With Demanding Bosses, Nosey Coworkers, and Misconceptions
Jul 16, 2007
Do some singles work a lot because they aren’t in a relationship, or do they remain single because their jobs hold them back? Perhaps it’s a little of both. Oftentimes single folks get dragged into less than ideal job situations simply because they’re unattached. While the benefits of being single are great indeed, you might find yourself having to maneuver around your boss’ idea of what an acceptable work schedule is or your coworker’s constant teasing.
Issue:
You Constantly Get Handed Last Minute Projects
If an assignment shows up at 5:00 on a Friday, does your boss automatically pass it to you? Some managers feel that single people have oodles of extra time to devote to work because they don’t have family obligations. But this is incorrect and outdated thinking. Singles today have as many family responsibilities as married folks, only without the support of a spouse. There is an additional judgment that anyone who is still single is living the high life in their off time, and thus can afford to spend a few more hours at the office. While it’s true that singles are more in charge of how they’re able to spend their time, their personal lives should not be compared or judged versus those of their married coworkers.
How to Deal
- If there is no democratic process involved in assigning work and you feel you are becoming the victim of your boss’ ignorance with regard to your single status, ask him or her directly why they chose you for this project. Make sure they give you an answer rather than blow off your question with an off-handed remark. Some bosses feel that singles just simply need to work more. As singles get older, this archaic attitude continues to put them more and more at risk of being taken for granted in the workplace, and will actually hinder them as they try and develop a serious relationship.
Issue:
Your Coworker Makes Remarks About Your Personal Life
The lives of single people can be fascinating to the married folk. Many people meet their spouse early on in life and therefore don’t date as much as others. So when there is someone in the office getting flowers or going out after work, it can seem like fair game to discuss it openly. While knowing a bit about your coworkers can help you bond to them, there is a line you can cross. Teasing you or bringing up things about your dating escapades can be rude and cause you to lose respect from others in the office.
How to Deal
- You might want to share details of that hottie you just met or the great date you had over the weekend, but keep most information about your single status to yourself. You don’t have to remain tight-lipped about every moment of your personal life, but hold your dating stories to a minimum. Remember that people in the office will use any information you say to judge you, so keep any information about your wild sex life or the fact that you’re cutting out of work early to meet up with a coffee date hush hush.
Issue:
Your Coworkers Give You Relationship Advice
Married people rarely give each other tips on handling their spouse. However, they won’t hesitate to tell a single person how they should run their life. The fact is married folks think they have the whole dating thing figured out because they don’t have to do it anymore. This may be true in some cases. In others? Not so much. The danger in someone at work taking this approach is they can also assume they know more about your job than you do, and give you less respect because you haven’t “grown up and gotten married” yet.
How to Deal
- Most folks giving advice probably mean well, so when they give you unsolicited advice tell them simply, “Thank you but I’m doing fine. I’ll keep you in mind if I do need some advice.” This will let them know that not only do you not care about what they have to say; you might not even come to them if you are a loss for how to proceed.
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