You meet, you date, you break up (or, possibly you live together or get married). But what if one of you wants to stay friends afterward? Is that even possible?
It is possible to successfully pull off the “dating to friends” scenario, but it takes two special people and a fair amount of effort. If you’re thinking of staying friends with an ex, here are some points to consider:
How the Break Up Happened
- The method in which you two broke up is an important indicator on whether you two will remain friends. After all, if one of you engaged in bad break up behavior you either won’t remain friends, or your newly developed friendship won’t last very long. If the person who initiated the break up wants to remain friends, it can be very difficult and almost cruel to the one who got dumped. After all, they may wonder why their ex couldn’t stand to be with them but now wants to hang out “as a friend.” Confusing.
What Went On During the Relationship
- Friendships require the same amount of trust and kindness that relationships do. So if one of you cheated or abused the other, it’s unlikely a friendship will fare any better. The same applies for any reoccurring issues that just never seemed to go away. Even the smallest of slights, such as forgetting to call when you’re supposed to or ignoring your partner when you know they’re in a down mood, can carry over into your friendship. A friendship between two ex’s simply means they don’t have sexual feelings for each anymore. Any communication issues or problems, however, will remain.
Are the Two of You Really Over?
- If any lingering feelings of love (or lust) remain with one of you, forging a friendship too soon will undoubtedly cause hurt feelings and misunderstandings. You can’t just immediately become friends if one of you hasn’t come to terms with the fact that your relationship has ended. Initiating this (whether you are the one who broke up or the one who still has feelings) is just plain cruel. Sometimes one partner will ask to remain friends simply because they like having someone around who adores them. But this type of friendship isn’t true, and in every case will come to an end once the other has found real love.
How Much Time Has Gone By?
- There is a process that comes with getting over a break up. Once you and your former flame have successfully moved on, the two of you may be able to forge a successful friendship. However, you need to give it time and let it happen naturally. Sometimes couples are not willing to leave their friendship in the hands of fate. After all, they reason, if love didn’t blossom for them, why would a friendship be any different? But friendships ARE different, and that’s the point. So if you happen upon your former flame after you both are in a good place in your lives, keeping them around as a pal is a possibility. Saying “let’s stay friends” forty seconds after you break up won’t work.
The copyright of the article Staying Friends With An Ex in Dating Advice is owned by Cherie Burbach. Permission to republish Staying Friends With An Ex must be granted by the author in writing.
