Once men have found the courage to approach women, their next problem is actually talking to them – what to say and how to say it. Many men get into trouble at this stage, falling back on either tired chat-up lines (which only work in situations where any line would work) or random compliments that are as likely to get a slap as get a date.
There is an alternative. By understanding what the woman wants to get out of the conversation, you can ensure you give it to her. Create a conversation that’s fun for both of you and it’ll be easy to ask her out and get a date. If that sounds simplistic, it’s because talking to women (and asking women out) really isn’t the complex magical art some men think it is.
While it’s obviously impossible to know exactly what any woman wants at a given time, there are some common concepts that almost always hold true, especially in the situations that most men approach women (in a bar, a club or at a party). It’s usually safe to assume that she’s interested in meeting new people as long as:
- They can make her feel good about herself without coming across as creepy or pathetic (complimenting her without worshipping her)
- They’re positive – they give energy to the conversation rather than drain it away
- She gets something of value from the conversation (she learns something new - perhaps about herself).
Note that all of these apply, to a greater or lesser extent, to both sexes. Everyone likes to be complimented by a positive person and we all like to leave having gained something from an experience. This is an important point: men – especially if they don’t date a great deal – often see women as mysterious and unreadable. Men find asking women out massively easier as soon as they realize that women really aren’t very different to them: they’re just constrained by a different set of social norms.
Sex and Seduction
This concept is particularly important when it comes to sex and it’s worth understanding this even if seduction isn’t your immediate goal. Women’s desire for (even need for) sex isn’t necessarily any different to men’s – but society usually (and many would say unfairly) holds them to different ‘moral standards’. Men who are able to seduce women with little effort (the pick-up artists and the world of ‘speed seduction’) aren’t necessarily skilled at convincing women to have sex. Their skills may lie more in talking to women in a way that convinces them they can have sex and not feel guilty or judged.
Asking her Out
But what about actually asking women out? This isn’t mentioned above, for the simple reason that in most cases the moment you ask her out isn’t the critical part of the conversation. If you use the techniques above when you’re talking to women, asking them out should be as easy as saying ‘We should do this again’ when you bring things to a close. The woman in question should have already heard enough to know that a date would be fun and should want to meet you again. This means you don’t have to ask her out. You simply have to give her a chance to continue what you’ve already started - and that’s much more likely to get a date than a cheesy line.
