The Do's and Don'ts of Dormcest

How to Avoid Disaster When Dating in Your Dorm

Jun 26, 2007

Romancing someone who lives in your dorm is risky business that could end in extreme awkwardness. Follow these simple rules to minimize your chance of disaster.

Dormcest-- a romantic interaction between two college students living in the same building-- is generally considered a big no-no despite the prevalence of the phenomena on college campuses across America.

It's not hard to see why. Living in close proximity to someone you like immediately raises the risk/reward factor: if things work out, you won't have to walk far to hang out with your cuddle-buddy, but if the relationship crashes and burns you'll spend the rest of the year living in Awkward Central. Some students are so afraid of the latter situation that they simply refuse to date anyone who lives within a half-mile radius of their futon.

But dormcest is often a necessary evil for many college students, especially those who live on small, self-contained campuses where nearly all of the students live in school housing. And besides, what if the love of your life just happens to move in next door to you and your roommate? In these cases, it's important to know the do's and don'ts of dormcest.

DO be discreet. The rest of your dormmates are going to find out what's happening sooner or later, but there's no need to rub it in their faces. Excessive PDA will just irritate your neighbors, and it'll make things doubly awkward if the two of you end up going your separate ways.

DO have a conversation with your romantic interest about who it is okay to tell about your interactions. Will your best friend hear about this? Your roommate? Your friend down the hall? A good rule of thumb is to keep things as quiet as possible until the relationship (if it comes to that) becomes more established, and then only spilling the beans on a need-to-know basis. By discussing this topic early on, you may avoid the horrific oh-my-god-everyone-in-my-physics-lecture-knows situation.

DO continue to lead your own independent life. As exciting as it is to have someone you like so close to home, it's easy to let the experience absorb you until the two of you are spending way too much time together and your friends begin to wonder if you've transferred to another college. Keeping your priorities straight will help you put the relationship in perspective and ensure that you don't miss out on the other important parts of your social and academic education.

DON'T infuriate your roommates by having so-and-so spend the night multiple times without their consent. It's their space too, and you need to make sure that they are comfortable having a person of the opposite sex around for long periods of time. If not, respect their feelings and find somewhere else for the two of you to hang out.

DON'T hook up in a manner that is visible or audible to anyone else in the dorm. It is the quickest way to ostracize yourself from the rest of the students you are living with.

DON'T be surprised if things don't work out. Living together creates an intense amount of pressure that gets to be too much for most people. Have fun, but don't be too sad if you don't stay together-it's a reflection on your current circumstances, not you as a person.