To Wed Or Not To Wed?
Why The Myths And Marketing Of Modern Marriage Weaken Your Odds
Through the lens of Las Vegas, which is arguably America's most popular wedding destination, "I don't" looks just as good as "I do."
With drive-through weddings, Elvis impersonators joining hands in matrimony, and 30-day divorce decrees available in 15 minutes, Las Vegas – one of America’s favorite wedding destinations – often makes marriage seem like a flippant undertaking. But it’s not. Marriage ties bind tighter than a latex girdle, and when they’re severed, people suffer.
Marriage Through The Ages
Predictably, America’s current version of marriage hails from Western Europe.
First and foremost, in Europe and America, marriage was and is a legal contract. From Europe’s Middle Ages to America’s colonial era, the aristocracy and other wealthy people with property, generally negotiated marriages for their children and themselves on the basis of political alliances. For farming peasants and poor laborers, hard-working and strong breeders of healthy offspring were sought after mates.
Either way, several centuries ago, there were few illusions about what marriage meant: hard work, on the emotional, interpersonal, and physical levels. This notion of marriage as hard work stands in stark contrast to the “Disneywood” style bliss promoted by the popular culture machine.
Modern Marriage Myths
Two of the most popular modern marriage myths are the Knight-in-Shining-Armor who rescues accursed damsels in distress, à la Sleeping Beauty or Snow White; and television’s Cleaver family from Leave It To Beaver.
Then there’s the good ol’ boy with a heart of gold who works and waits to reunite with his childhood sweetheart, exemplified by the character of Jake Perry, who pined and toiled for Melanie Smooter in the 2002 film Sweet Home Alabama.
And let us not forget a recent favorite female: The Madonna Whore. Carmela Soprano’s character from HBO’s hit series The Sopranos is one popular contemporary example. For the Gen-Y crowd, this expectation is best described by the rapper Ludacris in “Yeah,” Usher’s hip hop hit: “We want a lady in the street and a freak in the bed.”
With expectations such as these, it’s no surprise that modern singles are conflicted about the “institution” of marriage. And while the concept of marrying by choice and for love can certainly be considered a positive outcome of modern day matrimonial myths, J.W. von Goethe reminds us that “Love is an ideal thing; marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real and the ideal never goes unpunished.”
Moreover, the contemporary desires for immediate gratification, public recognition, and perceived high socioeconomic status pose an additional problem for 21st century marriage: the substantial and immediate debt that accompanies the average, modern wedding.
Marketing Matrimony
Although marriage as “the next big step one takes in life” does not seem as essential as it was just one generation ago, matrimony remains popular as an industry. Bridal boutiques abound; wedding fairs and conventions occur seasonally in every region; dozens, if not hundreds, of national, international, regional and local magazines are devoted to subjects ranging from brides to cakes to honeymoons.
Sell More Weddings, a Gloucester Massachusetts-based internet marketing site for wedding professionals, estimates that $40 billion to $70 billion is spent annually in the U.S. on approximately 2.5 million weddings. According to the site, the average cost of a wedding now exceeds $20,000 US, and is notably higher in major metropolitan areas; whereas the average annual household income of a newly married couple is $55,000 US per year.
Figure in the cost of another American ideal – home ownership – and it’s not difficult to imagine that one of the leading causes of divorce is financial stress.
Of course, there are definite positives to marriage. These include raising children with two parents, reaping the rewards of two incomes, and receiving numerous contractual and legal benefits.
Still, to summarize it Vegas style: Pairing up permanently gets the same odds as betting on red or black; and it’s a lot easier to walk away from the roulette table than a spouse.
