What to do When a Boyfriend Fans a Former Flame
Is Hanging Out with an Ex- Girlfriend Harmless or Hypocritical?
Feb 14, 2009
It happens in every relationship, but it’s hard to keep one’s cool when a boyfriend’s former flame flares up regularly or spontaneously. She could be a prior lover or even an ex-wife. Although it may not seem as though a girlfriend has an advantage in comparison with a former flame, she actually does.
Keep the Former Flame in Perspective
He has already ended a relationship with her once, and once is usually enough for a rational person. If he continues to see her platonically, a girlfriend is actually quite safe from a former girlfriend’s suspected wiles. A relationship has run it’s course, and it didn’t turn out well. Instead of tantalizing unknowns, they’ve both experienced failure. That’s a powerful incentive not to try again, however much they still enjoy each other’s company.
Is the Former Flame a Threat?
To gauge the importance of the former flame in a boyfriend’s life, ascertain when and how they socialize. Phone calls are OK as long as they don’t occur in the middle of the night. Lunch is a common and a benign meeting place for former flames, and breakfast is acceptable if they both have busy schedules. Even meeting for drinks is OK, but dinner is not unless the girlfriend and the former flame’s significant other are also invited. Dinner is too much like a real date, particularly if it’s on a weekend night. If that’s what is occurring, a girlfriend must insist that her boyfriend level with her, and then decide whether or not to compete with the former flame.
Men are free to see whomever they please, but there is such a thing as having a girlfriend and a former flame whose roles are interchangeable. Don’t just stand around and get burned.
How to Keep an Edge over the Former Flame
Sometimes men don’t mean to deceive, but they’re in denial about falling back into an unfinished relationship. Complaining, ridiculing, and whining about the former flame does nothing to forestall such an outcome; needy and immature behavior may even hasten it. However, if a boyfriend sees his former flame during the week, and during daylight hours, a girlfriend really has no reason for concern.
Not making a fuss about the association renders it even more harmless. He is going to see his girlfriend as exceptionally confident and easy going. If, on the other hand, a girlfriend treats his former flame as a leper, the girlfriend is the one that he is going to avoid.
