What to Do When New Couples Meet the Fathers
Protocol for Couples Meeting Family Patriarchs
Jun 22, 2009
Whether he likes the girlfriend or not, a boyfriend’s father is usually the most objective member of the family. Perhaps this is because he’s not that interested, and he sees a meeting with his son’s girlfriend as an interruption in his busy schedule, and his routine, whatever that may be. His father tends to live in the present concerning his son’s relationships, and he doesn’t dwell on what could be. So try not to interrupt his tee time, his happy hour, and don’t make conversation unless it’s halftime.
A Girlfriend’s Father
A girlfriend’s father is a hard sell, because he sees through the ruses a boyfriend employs. A girlfriend’s father may be smiling and amiable with his daughter’s boyfriend on the outside, but his psychic demeanor is a squinty-eyed Detective Colombo trying to disarm him with “one more question.” (Single moms may adopt this role with a boyfriend as well.)
The one more question has to do with the boyfriend’s background, education, current job, job prospects, and his religion, if any. Like Colombo, a dad won’t come right out and accuse him of a major crime. He’ll just try to trip him up with the facts. It’s amazing how much a boyfriend blabs when he’s being interrogated by a parent.
As in the Ben Stiller movie, Meet the Parents, all of this is futile even if Dad hooks the unfortunate fellow up to a lie detector machine. A father is never going to like his daughter’s boyfriend unless the boyfriend is exactly like him. Whether he bonds with a boyfriend has to do with common interests and how protective he is of his daughter.
Older Brothers Behave Like Dads
Try not to introduce a boyfriend to a father and to an older brother at the same time; it’s a little too much like a CIA interrogation. Like a father, an older brother is not going to like his sister’s boyfriend unless they are very much alike. If a woman brings home a Theatrical Arts major and the men in her family are hulking sanitation workers, they are never going to find common ground.
However, it’s not all that important. What’s important is that, on some level, a woman’s boyfriend understands that the men in her family, particularly Dad, expect him to treat her with the utmost respect, tenderness and affection. If that isn’t tacitly understood, a Dad is falling down on his job.
