Getting turned down can be difficult enough. But what if you've suddenly hit a streak of negative responses? Here are some tips to help you out of a dating downturn.
There’s a popular song called, “Love hurts.” Well, maybe it’s not love; so much as it’s the rejection that sometimes comes with it. You might be asking yourself, “What is it about me? Why do I keep getting rejected?” If you're experiencing any of the following issues, here are a few solutions that might help.
Issue: No one responds to your emails
If you’re trying to date online, exchanging emails is key to meeting new people. For every three to five emails you send, on average you’ll get a response back from one or two. You can’t just sit back and wait for folks to contact you. But if you’re sending out messages and getting zero responses back, your success with online dating is in jeopardy.
- Solution: First of all, make sure your profile and photos are as great as they can possibly be. If they aren't – get some help from a consultant or talented friend. If your profile is in good shape – reacquaint yourself with the art of email. Make sure your messages are simple, short, and neutral. Don’t make lewd or inappropriate comments, or for that matter, try to be funny. You’ll have plenty of time to show your personality once you start corresponding with potential matches. Until then, be positive and succinct.
Issue: You’re not getting second dates
A coffee date is essentially an opportunity to see if you’d like a second date. If you’re meeting potential matches but not succeeding in securing follow up dates, examine your behavior and approach. For example, are you initiating poor first-date conversations? Are you being rude? Dressing inappropriately? Pressuring your coffee date to stay longer than an hour?
- Solution: The best way to find out why folks don’t want to go on a second date with you is to ask them. If you suggest another date and they turn you down, ask them politely why. Don’t raise your voice or get upset, but tell them you’re curious because you two seemed to hit it off. If they answer you with something generic such as “I just don’t think we’re compatible,” let it go, but take inventory on your behavior during the date. Ask your friends why they think you’re getting rejected. Often the people closest to us will also be the most honest.
Issue: Your partners continually cheat on you
Many folks have to deal with the pain of infidelity, but if the people you date seem to always be with other people, you need to determine if you’re inadvertently mishandling your relationships. For example, do you assume you both are exclusive when that might not be true? Do you turn a blind eye to the classic signs of cheating? Or do you fear confronting your partner about your suspicions and instead pretend that you’d be hip with an “open relationship”?
- Solution: Don’t make assumptions about your relationship. Instead, initiate a conversation before you get serious. State simply that you’d like to date exclusively, and if your partner balks at all then you know where you stand. Never force a situation or continue to date someone who isn’t on the same page as you. If you suspect your partner may be having an inappropriate relationship, confront them calmly and don’t hide your feelings if you’ve been hurt. Until you set the boundaries of your relationship, you can’t be upset when you feel your partner has crossed them. Like anything else in life, communication is the key here.
Issue: People always turn you down or just seem to ignore you when you ask them out
Getting turned down when you ask someone out is one thing. Continually getting rejected is something else. If this keeps happening to you, examine your approach. Are you being clear that you want a date? Or just asking your potential honey “what they’re doing this weekend?” Are you imaging signs that the object of your affection is into you when they actually aren’t?
- Solution: Don’t let nerves get the best of you when it comes to approaching people for dates. Think about what you’re going to say first, be confident, smile, and ask away. Be specific. Don’t say “wanna hook up tomorrow?” when you really mean, “care to catch that impressionist exhibit at the art museum with me tomorrow?” If your date doesn’t seem to hear you, restate your question. If they shrug or say no, tell them “thanks anyway” and move on. Never dwell on someone who isn’t interested in you. There are too many people in the world who are probably waiting for you to ask them out right now!
