When it comes to remaining friends with their ex’s, some singles think it’s a great idea while others cringe at the very thought. The ability to stay friends with someone you once dated is possible, but it takes a special effort and a realistic point of view.
There are times, however, when people fail to move on from their ex emotionally or sexually after a break up. They stay in touch with their former flame and call it friendship, but in reality they hold on to a part of an ideal they wanted the relationship to be. The danger in this behavior is that they hang in a kind of “love limbo” – not seeing their past clearly and not able to truly move on with someone new.
If you’re dating someone you suspect is still tied to their ex, what should you do? Here are some common issues and how to deal with them.
Your Partner’s Ex Is Rude To You
Are true friends happy when someone they know falls in love? The answer should be yes, but sometimes a former flame will be resentful and behave poorly toward you. Perhaps the person is just jealous because they themselves haven’t found someone new yet. Perhaps they feel no one should be able to replace them on the love meter. Whatever the reason, rudeness is not acceptable and should not be tolerated by you or your partner.
- How to handle it: Ignore it. Like spoiled children, ex’s who are rude to you are simply childish. In all likelihood your partner sees their behavior for what it is and is probably embarrassed by it. Rise above their immaturity and be extra sweet to them. Smile at them, engage in meaningful conversation, and refuse to acknowledge their bait into arguments.
Your Partner’s Ex Can’t Stop Talking About the Past
A surefire sign that an ex has a jealousy problem is bringing up the past they share with your mate. This is a way to mark their territory and make you feel uncomfortable all at the same time. They monopolize your partner into conversation by bringing up past events so you don’t have the opportunity to join in the discussion.
- How to handle it: Watch how your partner responds when their ex goes on and on about the past. If your partner is uncomfortable or embarrassed by it, let it go. If the behavior continues, your partner will likely say something about it to them or refuse to continue seeing them. If, however, your partner readily joins in the conversation and cuts you out, confront them about the issue. Again, ask them what they would do in your position. Often it only takes a moment for your partner to put his or her self in your spot to know exactly what you’re talking about.
Your Partner Hangs Out With Their Ex and Never Invites You Along
Perhaps your partner has kept their ex around simply because they didn’t have anyone else to hang out with. You’ll soon know your partner’s true intensions by how often they see their ex after you two begin dating. Do they call them constantly? Hang out with them more times per week than they see you? If so, the issue isn’t with the ex, but with your partner. If your current flame spends a great deal of time with their ex but doesn’t seem to want you around, then you’ve got a definite problem.
- How to handle it: It’s not normal for your partner to want to see their ex without you along. If they happen to run into them, fine, but if they seek out their ex to do things with or just to talk, they could be emotionally tied to the person. If this is the case you need to assess the situation to see if it’s something you want to contend with. You could try talking to your partner, but if his or her emotions are caught up with their ex they will probably just argue with you and deny that they have any feelings for their former flame. A better option is simply to break up with them, and move on to someone who has truly ended their previous relationship so they can concentrate on you.
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